+JMJ
The following contemplation was gifted to me while praying through the Thursday Holy Hour of St. Gemma Galgani. Honestly it was a little shocking in the midst of prayer. A severe wake up call and strike to the heart.
The Lord gave me a new understanding of sin, what He endures because of sin, and His love despite of sin.
Holy Hour
But if Jesus with great reason weeps for the sins of the redeemed in general, what does He not suffer at foreseeing the sins of His intimate friends, of the souls consecrated to Him?
“Oh beloved souls,” He exclaims, “souls of My peace, who are the intimate friends of my Heart, who live in My house, eat of My bread and nourish yourselves at My table, why do you pierce My Heart by sin? People of My Heart, what have I ever done to you? In what have I grieved you? I have slaked your thirst with the Heavenly waters of My grace, and you have given Me gall! I have satiated you with the precious manna of My Flesh and you have struck Me with blows and scourgings! Oh My people, what have I done to you? In what have I grieved you? I have prepared you a throne in Heaven and you have presented Me a gibbet! Dear Soul of my vineyard, beloved of My Heart, what more could I have done for you that I have not done? What is there that I ought to do more for my vineyard that I have not done to it? And for so much love you return Me brambles and thorns!”
-Holy Hour As Practiced by St. Gemma Galgani, pg. 13
My Contemplation
Jesus stands crowned with thorns, hands bound in front of Him, before the angry mob. They rage, yelling and cursing Him. I am in the crowd, watching as the violence escalates. They holler and spit at Him in disgrace.
I watch as someone bends down to pick up a stone and hurls it at my Lord. Then another person does the same, and another, and another. The stones are all of varying sizes and weights. Some fall short, but others strike Him increasing the wounds upon His precious body. Each blow worse than the one before it, rocking Him, but He does nothing to protect Himself.
I watch each rock leave the hand of His attackers and find their mark inflicting brutal pain upon Him. Then there are others that fall and roll to His feet.
I look down and see a medium sized rock at my own feet. There is something written on it, but I cannot make it out. I reach down and pick it up trying to decipher the words.
I look up at Jesus and see Him struck repeatedly by the onslaught. Then, a rock hurls through the air and strikes Him in the side of the head, causing Him to fall to His knees.
“Where did that come from?” I think in shock. But those in the mob near me are cheering and congratulating me. The rock I had picked up was no longer in my hands but dropped before my Lord covered in His Precious Blood, and He bleeds profusely from a new gash inflicted upon His divine head.
“How could this be?” I don’t even remember throwing it, but as I gaze at Him His eyes reveal to me what was written on that rock.
The list of my sins.
Dodgeball
There seems to me to be a great deal the Lord was trying to convey to me here. For example, to me the different sizes and weights of stones signify the differences in the severity the sins we commit. There is temptation through curiosity looking at the stone on the ground. There is blindness to my sins when I cannot read what is on the stone. Then there is the actually throwing of the stone signifying the committal of sin. This is followed by the denial that I could do such a thing. How there were rocks flying everywhere, but I didn’t get struck by any of them. Where I was standing in the crowd was also significant.
Ever play dodgeball? I think most people in the USA were tortured with it in grade school. It definitely was not my favorite sport to play in gym class. For those who may be unfamiliar with dodge ball, it consists of teams throwing a rubber ball at each other. If you get hit you are out, if you catch a ball thrown at you the person who threw it is out. Let me be honest it hurts getting hit because, of course, we always threw it as hard as possible.
What is the point of this in the light of my contemplation? The closer I am to Jesus the more my sins hurt Him. Similarly, the closer you are to the person throwing the ball the more it is going to sting in dodgeball.
As I think back over your life. I can definitely say that it is more painful when I am hurt by family than by an acquaintance for example. The people I have placed my trust in and who know me well have the capacity to hurt me much more than say an angry customer.
So, the people in the crowd throwing stones from farther back may not inflict as much damage as those towards the front. Those that are in theory closer to Him on the path to salvation. Those who have made Him promises of conversion. Those who have said they will commit their lives to Him. The Judases who kiss Him while selling Him out.
It is pitiful how often I find myself there in the crowd wearing the shoes of Judas. The pain it must cause our Lord. It hurts Him when I say I won’t commit a certain sin again then the next minute go running back to it. It hurts Him when I draw nearer and nearer to Him, progressing in virtue, to stop because a sin catches my eye. It hurts Him when I pick that sin up again after going awhile persevering against it.
But Jesus knows this is the inevitable truth of our state caused by original sin. And He guards us, as I see in my contemplation that I was not struck myself by the rocks being thrown at Him. He took on the sins of the world including my own, so that I may merit being close to Him. Out of love He is always ready and willing to forgive me.
So, use lent to draw closer to Jesus, feel deep sorrow for the sins we commit, be strengthen by the love of Jesus for each one of us, and move forward with the resolution to sin no more.
Thrive in Jesus, my Friends!
Take some time to meditate before Christ Crucified about the sins that hurt Him the most in your life. Then ask Him to help you conquer them.
Leave me a comment and let me know how your lent is going so far?