+JMJ
Sin runs deep. It hides making me feel that I have conquered it. Then it rears it’s ugly head when I let my guard down. The moment I stop asking the Lord for His help in conquering my persistent sins, it comes back like a tidal wave!
It’s like working out. I’ll put in the effort in for a while and grow in strength and stamina, then the whisper starts…
“You can skip today, it will be ok. Just get back to it tomorrow.” But it is even harder the next day to get back at it. Before I know it I have lost all the strength and stamina I had gained, and it feels too daunting to restart.
That is exactly where the devil wants me. In that moment when it is too daunting to get back at it. When it seems too dismal and arduous. He wants me stuck there, not progressing towards the Lord, but stagnant and depressed in my lack of discipline and fortitude.
It’s agonizing sometimes…
Contemplative Moment
I was meditating on the Gospel of Luke when He clarified to me this particular agony.
“But to you who hear I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. To the person who strikes you on one cheek, offer the other one as well, and from the person who takes your cloak, do not withhold even your tunic. Give to everyone who asks of you, and from the one who takes what is yours do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. For if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do the same. If you lend money to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit [is] that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, and get back the same amount. But rather, love your enemies and do good to them, and lend expecting nothing back; then your reward will be great and you will be children of the Most High, for He Himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as [also] your Father is merciful.
Luke 6:27-36
I received the image of standing before Christ Crucified. I watch as the Centurion comes forward and thrusts the lance into the side of the Lord. It pierces His Sacred Heart and I watch the grace pour out of Him abundantly.
Then I watch as my angel approaches me and thrusts a lance into my own side. Plunging it to my heart, but not to release grace, because I have none. It is to purge my heart of the infection of sin. Lanced like an abscess.
It does not pour out like the grace from the heart of the Lord, it drips out…. painfully slow. I look up to Jesus on the cross and beg Him to rip it out of me, to remove it completely.
But it continues one painful drip at a time.
The Lord Gives Freely
The Lord freely gives all of Himself without expecting repayment.
Sin impedes my ability to completely give myself. Sin is an infection that slows the flow of goodness from my heart. I cling to sin, and it festers.
He knows that even though I would prefer to just “rip the band-aid off” in a sense, and just get it over with, it wouldn’t allow me to follow Him completely.
He is the Almighty God and He could have chosen to skip His passion and death, to feel no pain. But He didn’t. He felt every single moment of it.
In order to walk in His footsteps, I too must suffer.
It was the Lord, Himself that said:
“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many. How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life. And those who find it are few.”
Matthew 7:13-14
I must strive to give all of myself, even though it may be painful, for His sake.
Thrive in Jesus, my Friends!
What sins do you struggle with the most? What sins keep you from giving all of yourself to others? Take some time to reflect on them. What steps can you take to follow the Lord more closely? Leave a comment below!